i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
drinking out of a sandbucket again
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
