Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
