the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
