When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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