I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
