I think I am morally bankrupt
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
