this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize