3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Also, beer. Big fan.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
