I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
