there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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