Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize