I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
