Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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