Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
