sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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