Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
