if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize