Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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