he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
