i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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