I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm like, not good at living.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
