It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
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