I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
