well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
