its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
