i'm signing you up for texting rehab
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
