So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize