Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
