Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
