I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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