woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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