arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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