I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
