Kareoke will never be a sober sport
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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