she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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