I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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