I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
