i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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