Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
