yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
