so that wasnt chicken after all
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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