Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize