my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
When are your genitals available?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
