The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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