i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
