I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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