I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
