Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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