i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
