True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
