haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
