Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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