you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
