So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
