I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
