I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
