her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
