I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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