dude i'm inner monologue high
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
