How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
