dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
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