1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I will die if light touches me.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
