I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
