So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
