just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
