im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
