I can text with my tongue
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
