Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
