You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
