there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
