I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
