also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
