So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
